Sunday, 21 May 2006

Tête à claques X

I’m sure everyone’s been asking themselves why I haven’t nominated Scarlett Johansson as a Tête à claques before. What was I thinking? Look at her!

I'm slapping her for keeping her big mouth open all the time. It’s supposed to make her look sexy, right? Wrong! It makes her look gormless.

Obviously, she’s been told she's the new Marilyn Monroe. Not a chance! The big difference between Marilyn and Scarlett is that even at her most tarty Marilyn looked innocent, whereas even at her most innocent Scarlett looks like a tart.

She’s not a bad actress but she’s not all that. And being Woody Allen’s pet these days isn’t such a great recommendation, is it?

Slap slap!


  1. Rather old news, but apparently, her big mouth is highly coveted:,7890,1274515,00.html

    And speaking of slaps, just watched the new Pride & Prejudice. Didn't you slap Keira Knightley once? If so, joining in.

  2. Not by me, it isn't. LOL! Have people gone completely mad? Ugh!

    Yes, I have and she deserved it too. Do I gather you didn't enjoy P&P as much as you would have if, say, Jennifer Ehle had been playing the part of Lizzie Bennet? :-)

  3. I kinda liked ol' Scarlett until about 2 days ago when I saw her in a really annoying advert for make-up. It really grated on me in a 'make-up really isn't that important' way. No no no. Stop her. Or give her a slap at least to set her straight.

  4. Heh. I'm going to slap Lindsey Lohan for a similar offense. Uh, that and her strange choice to strip away her pretty red hair to become just another fake blonde in Hollywood.

  5. I think she is very beautiful, but she is a vacuous presence on screen, with none of the quality that leaps out and grabs you unless, I suspect, you are a male movie critic, in which case it isn't "presence" you want to grab. I was particularly irked by the wine-bar scene in Match Point, where she mimes come-hither allure as a series of camel-like head jerks. I have hope for her future, but for now her acting leaves me utterly cold.

  6. J, I didn't like a single thing about the new P&P, actually. I had read in reviews that they had "Bronte-fied" it, and that is exactly right. All the sparkle & light of Austen's writing is completely gone. So I would blame the production & direction more than Keira Knightley, but I didn't like her at all, and for that matter didn't like any of the other lead players. Oh well!

  7. I have to laugh at the open mouths of today. I always call them "mouth breathers." It's as if their noses are "stopped up."

  8. Perhaps TLP has got something there! Perhaps it's another modern symptom of allergies.

    To me, it just looks gormless.

    I liked Scarlett in The Horse Whisperer and Lindsay Lohan in that remake of The Parent Trap. When they were still cute preteens and weren't trying ridiculously to be sexy.

  9. i love that word 'gormless'. it says it all!

  10. She was great as a cynical, awkward teen in Welcome to the Dollhouse, and that's how I still think of her. Why would she want to play the siren? It doesn't suit her personality, and it shows, novocaine lips notwithstanding.

  11. Did I imagine that? I just googled Welcome to the Dollhouse and couldn't find her name listed. She played a cynical teen in some cynical teen movie, and I swear that was the one... *scratches head*

  12. JvS, she’s advertising L’Oréal products now. D’you think it’s because she’s worth it? LOL

    Hollywood has always insisted on remodelling actors and actresses, hasn’t it? Young kids don’t have enough clout to say ‘no’, unfortunately.

    F, ‘vacuous’ is so the right word for SJ. Before slapping her you want to knock on that head and go, “Hello, anybody there?” I haven’t seen Match Point (I usually wait for films to show on TV; most films don’t require immediate viewing, I find). I think there was hope she would become an actress of some weight but, imo, she hasn’t fulfilled her earlier promise.

    R, I expect I will watch this version of P&P when it’s shown on TV, but I doubt it will erase the memory of the one with Jennifer Ehle. Can’t remember Colin Firth’s wet shirt moment: I must have blinked at that point. LOL!

    TLP, “mouth breathers”! LOL! Do you think they suffer from adenoids. Drat, I shouldn’t have had mine removed when I was a child; it wrecked the chance of a great career…

    L, SJ annoyed me in The Horse Whisperer - can’t remember why (probably b/c of her constantly open mouth), but LL was very cute in The Parent Trap. Do you remember the scene where she’s taken to their mother’s house in Islington (?) from Heathrow, via Buckingham Palace, the Tower, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus and every other London landmark. It was hilarious.

    K, ‘gormless’ is a very good and useful word. I use it often. :-)

    WW, I’ve never seen Welcome to the Dollhouse, but I believe you when you say she was in it. Perhaps she’s now ashamed of her performance and has had it eradicated from her filmography filmography (Oh, look!: Word suggests ‘filmography’ is wrong and should be replaced with ‘flexography’. LOL!). It happens: Anthony Higgins (who was so lovely in The Draughtsman’s Contract) acted in a particularly preposterous Hammer Horror film (it was really really bad), early on in his career. He had it excised from his list of films, even thought he was in it under another name. I remember his look of horror when I mentioned I'd seen him in that film on TV once. He blanched visibly. Maybe Scarlett feels the same about that film.

  13. With her mouth agape, she pulls off the basic look of stupidity oh so well.

  14. It does make her look dumb, doesn't it, CH?

  15. No, it's not adenoids at all. It's acting like you've got some kind of penis in your gob. Men like it apparently. Gormless men.


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