Friday, 2 November 2007

I need a good laugh

I thought I’d wake up to an entertaining list of hanging participles, but none yet. No lovely sentences where the person speaking is hidden in their own breast pocket or men are wearing high heels (see post below) so I had to go elsewhere for a restorative chuckle.

I found it in the Jewish Chronicle online, in an article by the late Alan Coren. Here is an excerpt from it (if you want to read the rest go to Licensed to amuse)

FOLLOWING reports that the threatened dismemberment of the Church of England over the issue of homosexual prelates is apparently persuading hordes of disaffected Anglicans to up sticks and defect to Roman Catholicism, thousands of you have, not surprisingly, written to ask me for my expert guidance in this perplexing matter. [...]

Judaism, for example, has considerable appeal. The soup is good, and you can keep your hat on indoors, thereby making a considerable saving on fuel costs. Also, since you will not be allowed to drive on Saturdays, your car will last about 14 per cent longer than gentile ones. Furthermore, books are read back to front, which means that you do not have to plough through the whole of the new Jeffrey Archer to find out what happens.

Islam, however, may suit you even better, in that if you don’t want to read the new Jeffrey Archer, you can not only publicly burn it, you can apply to have him shot. The main drawback with Islam is that you will have to take your shoes off upon entering the mosque. If it is a big mosque, it may take you all day to find them again.

Buddhism is terrific if you are bald. Nobody will ever know. You can also spend all day walking up and down Oxford Street without ever having to buy anything, and with no socks to wash when you get home. Moreover, the principle of reincarnation is immensely attractive: you could come back as Bill Gates or George Clooney. Then again, you could come back as Jeffrey Archer. [...]

Enjoy!

6 comments:

  1. Oh lordy... so funny, and yet I've no familiarity whatsoever with who or what Jeffrey Archer is. Heh. Off to wikipedia the guy now, simply to satisfy my schadenfreude ;P

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  2. I'm with Katiedid. I don't know of Jeffrey Archer, but this is funny stuff.

    Our newspaper is full of mistakes. For example: "Being a teacher at the school, her car was parked in a reserved space next to the building." (Real example.) My husband and I get laughs daily from both the paper and the local TV news.

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  3. oh, how i wish i did not know who jeffrey archer is...

    resist the urge to google and continue to live your life in blissful ignorance!

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  4. I miss Alan Coren something awful.

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  5. As Lettuce Hater says - I wrote Eater first: I'm obsessed with salad. I can't eat it at all b/c of digestive problems and it's THE foodstuff I miss most of all in my restricted diet - as she says, you're all better off not knowing who Jeffrey Archer is.

    Alan Coren will be sorely missed (oh, such a cliché, but true nevertheless).

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