If someone says they're going to do something I expect them to do it. How silly of me! Only little children would expect people to be true to their word. How could one possibly expect adults to think things over, come up with a decision and then stick to it? What does it matter if naïve, childish people like me are disappointed? What does it matter if they think that those adults are changeable, untrustworthy, undependable, etc. etc.? What does it matter if it leaves us children feeling let down and foolish for believing them? They never meant it in the first place, did they?
I get it from my father. He was a man of his word. When I was a child, whenever he told me he would bring me back a small toy from his travels, he did – without fail. (At least he had the good sense never to promise not to argue with my mother: his nose would have kept on growing until his death if he had. Noses and ears do carry on growing anyway, but that’s beside the point.) He was rather rigid mentally and I probably take after him. Children need to know where they stand and so do I. I will accept a reasonable excuse for a breach of promise, but I cannot countenance capriciousness and wanton inconsistency. I do not like to be made a fool of nor do I like being strung along.
A slap to all unreliable people out there!
Thursday, 29 September 2005
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*Makes mental note to stop changing mind about what I'm going to order in a restaurant just as the waiter approaches*
ReplyDeleteBetter not do it when I'm around: that would drive me nuts! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same fury about people who make promises with no intention of keeping them, but in my case, I think it came about from the opposite reason: my father is notorious for brokering deals with members of the family, and then, once the other person has held up their end of the bargain, denying he ever promised anything, or that if he did, that he should be held to it. Example: he promised my mother that if she helped pay for my college expenses, he would pay for my little sister's. Once my little sister was old enough, he revealed that he had no intention of paying for her to go to school. So my sister was compelled to get a job instead of an education, and I wrote him a letter savaging him for his decision, and he and I didn't speak for years. So I join you in a slapfest on behalf of all broken promises!
ReplyDeleteFunny how different experiences produce the same effect. Come to think of it, my father did let me down in a big way once: there was no university in Nice at the time I passed my “baccalauréat”. I was mad about America and I decided I wanted to study psychology at the University of Utah, where a cousin of mine was an associate professor in the Molecular and Genetic Biology dept. My father didn’t try to stop me. I had to fill in endless forms; go and have a chat with the American Consul to get a certificate saying I could understand and speak English to the required level; obtain recommendations from my teachers; get a letter from my cousin assuring the authorities that I wouldn’t be a drain on their finances, etc. etc. My father signed all the documents I placed in front of him without raising too many objections. However, when I finally received the bumf from the university, with all the details on how to get there and what to expect when I reached the place, my father announced that he wouldn’t let me go. And that was that. I wasn’t 21 and I couldn’t go without his permission. He had never “promised” he would let me go, of course.
ReplyDeleteThis post stirs up real emotion in me. I can feel myself getting angry at the fathers mentioned ... and angry at my own father ... for contracts made and broken. For some reason, the most capricious humans I've known in my life -- as well as the most faithful -- have been men. No middle ground usually. While women in my life seemed to dance in the gray spaces more (which can be just as disappointing). Just ruminating. Thank you for the post, bela. Even if it did make me angry. *mwah* xoxo
ReplyDeleteYep. I feel exactly that way too.
ReplyDeleteBut WOW, on the addition about your Dad not letting you go to Utah. Harsh.
M, you probably never invested so much of yourself in your relationships with women: friends are not the same as lovers. I'm sorry my post distressed you. zockso!
ReplyDeleteThings were never the same again with my father after that, TLP: I'm not sure I've forgiven him even now - and he's been dead 25 years. The course of my life would have been so different: I would have become a psychologist (my cousin would have made sure I passed those exams, instead of which I failed my second year ones in Paris) and I'm sure I would have stayed in the US.
Yes yes yes, I absolutely agree. I have zero tolerance for individuals who promise one thing and then fail to follow through time and time and again. From being reared as the only child of a full colonel in the military, there was proper protocol and you stuck to it. If you gave your word on something then it was just that, your word, which says a lot about your character.
ReplyDeleteYou do however bring up an interesting point Bela when you stated that friends or not the same as lovers. Do you feel that we are much more lenient with our friends than we are with our mates?
Indeed I think we are more lenient with our friends. Fourteen years ago, when I was diagnosed with eye cancer, I wrote to my best friend in Paris: we’d known each other for 15 years by then and, although we didn’t see each other very often, we were still as close as ever. She must have freaked out at the news. I didn’t hear from her for the next nine years. Then, out of the blue, just before Christmas 1999, she wrote to tell me she and her 15-year-old daughter (who’d been a little kid when I’d last seen her) were coming over to London and could she come and see me. I was slightly taken aback but I answered that if she thought we could take up where we’d left off that would be ok with me. They came to the flat: I was a little apprehensive before they arrived but within minutes of their being here it was as if we’d never been estranged. We have never spoken about what happened. I guess some people don’t know how to react when faced with life-threatening illnesses – whether they themselves are affected or people they care about. I certainly wouldn’t have been so forgiving if my partner had left me on the day of the diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteSL, you seem to be blessed with close friends, who are prepared to do lots for you: unfortunately, that hasn’t been my experience; my friends have always been very entertaining people but rather unreliable in that way. I now don’t expect much from them and I’m not disappointed. LOL
Yes I totally agree. I know that I am more lenient with friends then a mate, but I was just curious as for others in general.
ReplyDeleteAs far as my good friends, I have been extremely fortunate. However some fell by the wayside after I had my injury. Whether they just couldn't handle the traumatic experience or whether they were fair feathered friends... who knows. But over time, I weeded those out.
I'm sorry you had that experience too. Still, the ones that are left sound great (loved your "party" post). :-)
ReplyDelete