Wednesday, 11 January 2006

Where did you say it was?

“You cut my dog’s balls off, you cut my balls off!” said a man last night on It’s Me or the Dog (I don’t have a dog, but that programme makes me laugh so much… and I’m always wondering whether I can pick up some tip I could try on my cat – some hope, eh?) He was the owner of a cute bulldog who terrorized one of his sons (the man’s, not the dog’s) and humped everyone constantly. Non-stop. He even tried (the dog, not the man) to mate with the presenter (a lovely, stern dog dominatrix) and the sound recordist (is that a word?) on camera, in front of millions of viewers, the shameless mutt. The solution for such macho behaviour was castration – obviously. The dog tamer explained that it was cruel for the poor beast to be pumped full of testosterone all the time with no way of releasing his sex drive. but the owner wouldn’t hear of it. No way!

How interesting! (It’s also preposterous and laughable, but that goes without saying so I won’t say it.) So, if I understand correctly, that man’s virility resides in his dog’s testicles. (He’s not the only man to have said that kind of nonsense on that programme, by the way.) Hmmm… let me see: I had my pussycat spayed a few years ago; I love my cat and sometimes identify with her, but I didn’t feel as if my uterus and ovaries had been removed. Why is that? Because… my femaleness was not in my cat’s reproductive organs. It wasn’t even in my own breasts, which were cut off a while ago. (My cat also had ‘multiple’ mastectomies when she was a kitten. Mine was just a ‘double’ – sounds like I’m ordering a drink, doesn’t it? “Make mine a double, please, surgeon!”, although the Cromwell Hospital did try to charge me – and my insurance company – for three breasts. Hey, I’m weird, but not that weird.) I know that some women feel less feminine when they’ve had a hysterectomy, for instance, but at least they’re talking about the loss of their own organs not that of their hamster’s or parrot’s.

I cannot quite understand that man’s reasoning (so what else is new?). It’s long been suspected, though, that men see their pets – and their cars – as extensions of their manhood, hasn’t it? What better proof does one need?

Slapping those morons who would rather jeopardize their marriages (the man’s wife was very pissed off) than do the right thing for their pets!


  1. Great post - I agree with every word. I`m also laughing so much that if this comment turns out incomprehensible it`s because of the laughing.
    Supid man. Stupid hospital(three breasts? WTH?). I think if they read this post they would hide under the table from shame.

  2. Too funny! Gave me a great laugh.

    Some men are SO pitiful. Now, see, I couldn't even stay married to a man who thought that way.

  3. I have a great example of this stupid behaviour! A friend of mine had a English Bull Terrier (bully) (intact) and a Doberman (dobe) (neutered). She wanted to neuter the bully but he was ostensibly her husband's dog (even though he could never be bothered to take care of it and she was always the one taking it for a walk or a pee).
    The dobe was a very well mannered dog who had been intact and show to a championship and allowed to sire a couple of litters. So, he may have had it in his brain that he was quite the he-man (testosterone memory effect LOL). The bully was quite a sweet and ditzy dog but under the influence of too much testosterone so when the dobe did the usual dominance manouvers to make sure everyone knew that he was the alpha dog in their pack (there was another dobe-bitch who was happy to be beta), the stupid bully didn't acquiesce to the dobe and they always escalated into fighting. I tried to convince my friend to just let them have it out because the only thing that causes real grief in a pack of dogs is if they're not really clear on the dominance order. She was too afraid of mortal damage being done (because bully's can't release their jaws easily due to a genetic history of being killing animals ) so ....after all this, they lived for years with dog tension in their homes, eventually escalating to a couple of very serious fights then complete isolation for the two males from each other.
    This whole situation could have been resolved by neutering the bully and letting the dogs sort out their dominance order, especially when they were both well tempered animals. I never could respect her husband after that and I guess I lost a bit of respect for my friend too. ...but it was her life.

    whew, that was a long story but I needed to share it.

  4. ROFL! Hilarious post. :-)

    Sports cars, monster trucks, "intact" male rottweilers and pit bulls, NASCAR jackets -- some men need such accoutrements to prove their masculinity to the outside world. It's kind of sad.

    I always smile when I see my 6'4", 200-pound spouse walking our dog -- all 8 skinny, trembling, blinking, pink-sweater-bedecked pounds of her. He rolls his eyes sheepishly like, "Oh, this is embarrassing," but I think it's cute, and it makes him look more masculine by contrast. (With his pretty-boy face, bouncy walk, and love of musical soundtracks, he has been branded gay more than once, so I can understand why he'd think, "Oh, does she HAVE to wear the pink sweater?" Resigned sigh.)

    Speaking of "pets," we had a discussion recently about men with daughters versus men with sons. I told him that men with daughters are sexier than men with sons. This is weird, I know, and I'm sure many will disagree with me, but here it is. I just have this schema of men-with-sons as overgrown boys living out a second childhood, reveling in their sons' bad behavior (provided said behavior is "masculine" -- e.g., a condom found in a 14-year-old's backpack). Men with daughters, in contrast, are forced to be grown-ups -- parents instead of accomplices. I remember thinking more highly of the actor/comic Chevy Chase when I found out he had 3 daughters and publicly criticized the movie The Little Mermaid because the point of the story was that it was a good thing for a girl to give up her voice to snag a boy. Men with daughters are sorta sexy; men who support feminist principles while standing up for their daughters are definitely sexy. ;-)

  5. Sorry, folks, didn't mean to neglect you. Life, you know...

    B, I have the invoice from the hospital to prove it. It really was a case of WTF! and then ROTFL! (Don't you just love acronyms?)

    TLP, I couldn't marry one of those, let alone stay married to him. LOL!

    L, thanks for the interesting story. People make strange choices sometimes, don't they?

    WW, I agree with you about men and their daughters. There's something really sweet and moving about a man holding a tiny little girl. One of my favourite photos from my childhood shows my father bent over me and looking as if he's just propelled me forward; his arms are outstretched and he's ready to catch me if I fall: I had recently taken my first steps, I think. It's very cute. (The relationship went downhill after that, unfortunately.)

  6. It really is true that men feel that a car and a dog are extensions of themselves (and parts of). You rarely see a man walking a miniature poodle. Or as winterwheat was saying in her story one that has on a little pink sweater... why is that?
    Women don't have these sorts of hangups. Does walking a bulldog make us more masculine?
    Although I will have to say that I had a friend who owned a Great Dane, and I used to love walking the dog because I felt so powerful, as if I owned the sidewalk.

  7. SL, woemen are supposed to be vain and self-conscious, but men are ten times more concerned with their image than women are.

    Oh, I wouldn't mind walking a Great Dane or a mastiff - just once. I might look a bit ridiculous next to such a big beast, but it must feel good. :-)


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