Do you want my money - yes or no?

Two months ago, I tried to open a new savings account with a bank I've been with for over 15 years. I have already slapped the employee and the manager of the branch I went to, but I have to do it again today, because they managed to mislay the file in the meantime.

I went back there earlier and shouted at them both. They had just closed the doors and we were standing in the middle of the lobby. I know how to shout and be heard. I told them that I wouldn't budge until they opened the account there and then. They tried to say they needed to see proofs of domicile and identity again. Are you kidding me? I won't show you any more bits of paper, nor will I fill in any more forms. I will, however, take out all my savings if you don't do what I want now, this instant.

And... they did open that account for me. It took a whole hour. The clerk who had interviewed me originally proved even more incompetent than I thought: she couldn't use the computer and had to ask for help from someone, who, thank goodness, knew what she was doing.

When I asked for the account to be backdated I was told it could be done, but wasn't really necessary, was it? My money is already in a savings account so I haven't lost any interest. Er, yes, I have: the new account pays more than the other one and the interest is tax-free. Does this kind of answer work on some people?

What qualifications do you need to work in a bank?